So why do we fear change? Whether we are forced to change or choose to, change is not easy, because our mind feels comfortable and ordered based on what it is familiar with even, if that doesn´t give us wellbeing. So we stay in jobs or relationships that do not satisfy us or we keep habits such as eating badly, drinking excessively or smoking even though they are damaging our health. When we make a change, therefore, we experience discomfort which might express itself as fear, anger, anxiety, nervousness or impatience. This is what everyone experiences, yet it is short-term and does pass, then afterwards life is better. This is why we often don´t change until we are forced to, or why even though we are forced to by a crisis such as illness, relationship break-up or loss of job, we convince ourselves that we are a victim of the situation; that the “world” has done it to us. It is an extremely valiant step to take a long, cold, but compassionate look at yourself to see where you contributed to the situation. Then perhaps, more importantly, look at how you can use the crisis as an opportunity to look at what you would really like and what changes you need to make to actually create it. Let´s say you were able to give yourself permission to express what you really desire, be that financial stability, a life free of debt, a loving and satisfying relationship, good health, work you enjoy… what would it take for you to create it?
Firstly, you need to know that YOU CAN. It may be a journey to get there, but you can. Then you will need to work on any or all of the following:
• Your habits – for instance it will be difficult to be healthy if you have the habit of sitting all evening on the sofa, or if you smoke, drink excessively or eat badly.
• Your thoughts – what you think is what you create. So if you think exercise is painful and impossible, you will find it near impossible to do any.
• Your capacities – These include learning any of the wide range of life skills that might be required to achieve your desire.
They are likely to include:
Communication and social skills
How to be organized
Self-motivation and self-esteem
Many of the capacities that we think people are born with, they in fact have learned and the truth is that anyone can learn these skills, including you. So what does it really take to make a change in your life?
1. That you are ready, which means that you are sufficiently fed up with the way things are right now.
2. A clear enough idea or vision about what you want.
3. Knowing the first steps and first small goals. These need to be a little challenging, but realistic so you know that you can successfully achieve them.
4. Moral support from at least one person who believes in your ability and who really wants you to get there.
5. Patience, perseverance and constancy to keep going through your discomfort, emotional reactions, doubts, the emotional reactions of others and through your setbacks. Reminding yourself that you are not alone, every single person, who has decided to make a better life for themselves has gone through these same experiences. Those who were successful were simply the ones who did not give up.
So let me finish by expressing to you with all my passion that it is your birthright that your one and precious life is enjoyable, comfortable and deeply satisfying. Yet, only you can create it to be so. Nobody can do it for you and you are completely capable of doing so. In fact in my experience doing so transforms life from being an experience which is either low-level dissatisfaction or anxiety to one that is a wonderful adventure. Your moment to choose is today, so decide right now to change your life.
Sada Nam Kaur is a coach and expert in personal development and personal effectiveness. She helps people through changes in their lives. www. coachingflorecer.eu
This post is also available in: Spanish