"Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it." Fyodor Dostoevsky
When do you dance?
I’m talking about dancing in your life, not at night at a club.
* Dancing in your life has to do with joy, with exuberance, with letting go, with letting your hair down, with feeling free to be you and exhilarate in the unrepressed delight of being you.
* Dancing in your life has to do with knowing that life can be as good as you allow it to be, despite your outer circumstances
* Dancing in your life has to do with the thrill of knowing you have choices, as long as you choose to have choices at least on an inner level, even though externally your choices may be very limited.
* Dancing in your life has to do with being conscious and aware.
* Dancing in your life has to do with doing your joyful utmost to pursue your dreams because your dreams give your life meaning
* Dancing in your life has to do with surrounding yourself with joy, love, and peace, even though these may only available on an inner level.
* Dancing in your life has to do with knowing that you will not die without having danced to the music that is inside of you.
Have you danced lately?
Taking Responsibility for Your Unhappiness – That is not a fun thought
Taking responsibility for your unhappiness sounds like there’s no one and nothing left to blame. And that – of course – is what this is all about.
It’s the Other Person’s Fault
When you are unhappy, it is often because you have chosen to be so due to someone not behaving the way you wanted them to, or something not turning out the way you might have it expected to. So life did not go your way. Things simply weren’t the way you wanted them to be.
• your partner forgot your wedding anniversary
• your boss did not promote you
• you wanted to go to the beach and when you opened the curtains, you saw it was raining
• you expected to be able to find the car of your dreams for the budget you had stipulated, and then realized it would cost much more. So now you have to make do with a lesser car
• you thought the person you had dinner with the first time two nights ago would call you by today, and they have not done so
• you expected your son to help you with the garden this weekend and he went out with his friends instead
• you expected your best friend to help you set up your party, and it turns out she forgot!
And so – understandably – you are unhappy. And of course you believe you are unhappy because of what the other person did or did not do, or because of the situation that did not turn out the way you would have liked it to.
And that is precisely where you need to begin to take responsibility for your unhappiness.
By taking responsibility for your happiness. So if you are unhappy about something, you are the one who can change how you feel. Either by choosing to change how you feel about something, how you think about something, how you view something, or by choosing to do something that will raise your energy to levels where you are able to once again feel happy.
Your happiness is in your hands. If you leave it in the hands of the acts and deeds of others, or in the manner in which situations in your life turn out, you are not free.
Freedom implies being in charge of your happiness. Creating Joy in the Way Your Life Unfolds So it means that it is also about your responsibility in creating joy in the way your life unfolds.
* No, I can’t do that.
* My life is not unfolding to plan.
* My life is not good.
* I don’t like my life.
* Under such circumstances how do you expect me to create joy in the way my life unfolds?
That is, however, precisely it. Most of our lives don’t always unfold according to plan, or in the best way possible. That’s the reason why we have to take charge about creating joy in the way our life unfolds. If we do that, we begin to see joy appear in the most unexpected ways and in the most unexpected places. Once that happens, we are well on the road to experiencing joy in our lives at will, no matter what the circumstances.
How can we create joy? How can we become responsible in creating joy in the way in which our life unfolds? By deciding to do so. It’s a choice. So simple. Start now.
"Our joys as winged dreams do fly; why then should sorrow last? Since grief but aggravates thy loss, grieve not for what is past."
Thomas Percy, English poet 1729-1811
Grieve not for what is past … our joys as winged dreams do fly … doesn’t it make sense that we behave the same way with our grief as we do with our joy? As the poet – Thomas Percy – says, our joys tend to leave us very quickly. And yet we dwell on our sorrows. This is in fact, an unusually interesting statement about the human condition. We have a much greater tendency to stay with those aspects of our lives that are not bright and clear, that do not have sunshine and warmth, and tend to bring on the clouds swollen with rain. Why do we do this? Is it just a wired into us? Wired into our hearts? Wired into our brains? I don’t think so. This may very well be due to what part Eckhart Tolle calls the pain body, and what Chris Griscom calls the emotional body. I’ve written about this in the past, so I’ll just briefly reiterate the basic points:
• the pain body is seductive
• the emotional body has an emotionally sticky quality that we find hard to pull away from
• both pain body and emotional body are familiar to us because they represent pain, difficulties, and hardships that we have been subject to in the past
• this very familiarity based on the amount of time we have spent revisiting those difficult moments, is what causes us to field the seductive pull
• once we give in to the seductive pull into the pain or the negative emotions via our memory needs, we tend to wallow in the pain, much as pigs wallow in mud
• Because we prefer the familiarity
• if we spent as much time revisiting our joyful moments as we do our painful ones, we might find – ironically – that we experience greater familiarity with our joy than with our pain – and wouldn’t that be a wonderful state of mind to be in…Have you ever considered why the sum total of your life very possibly seems to have an uneven tipping of the scale in favor of the negative? Could it not be simply because of where you spend much of your mental time? And don’t you agree that where you spend much of your mental time is a matter of choice? And if it is a matter of choice, why not spend more time with your memories of the joyful moments, as opposed to memories of the painful ones? It really is that easy.
So Are You Being Responsible — About the Joy in Your Life?
We know we are meant to be responsible about all those things that a decent sense of morality and a firm Puritan work ethic would demand of us. But being responsible for the joy in our lives seems to throw our thoughts (and even emotions) into turmoil. How, you ask. How can I be responsible for the joy in my life if my partner or spouse / parent / child / colleague / boss / friend, etc. does what they do and make my life difficult / miserable / impossible / painful / exasperating, etc.?
Simple. By deciding that you will be in charge of the joy in your life. By deciding at each moment – no matter what it contains – that you will seek joy, or at least, that you will seek the road that allows you to remain in a state of equanimity, which will – eventually – return you to joy. If you furthermore receive joyful moments thanks to some of those others who populate your life, wonderful! But if you don’t, and if you decide to be in charge of the joy in your life, you will have joy whether you receive it from others or not.
The Greatest Gift For the World is a Healthy You
The more vibrant you are, the happier you are, the more conscious and aware you are, the more responsibility you take for your own inner and outer well-being – the healthier you are. And the healthier you are, the more you are able to give the world a gift: a gift of this higher energetic frequency, a gift of all that you emanate, a gift of your innate joyfulness … innate, because you have made it so, and not because you were born this way.
Can you imagine the ripple effects of all of this?
And then think of it in geometric progression: the ripple effects of your presence will affect the people whose lives you touch. As they in turn, should they choose to emulate your energetic frequency because they can feel how great it is, also create ripple effects in their lives, affecting the people whose lives they touch, the potential for more and more people to create ripple effects grows exponentially. If only you will work on yourself to heal and change yourself, you can have the potential to be the catalyst for change in the lives of many others. And that will change our world.
Gabriella Kortsch holds a doctorate in psychology and dedicates herself to integral psychotherapy and life coaching, clinical hypnotherapy, relationship coaching, dream interpretation, and energy techniques. She is a writer and professional speaker and broadcasts a live weekly radio show in English that is available on the Internet or for listening on her website. She works with her clients to move them towards greater personal, professional, and relationship success with her integral approach to life and offers training and workshops in the field of conscious self-development and choosing responsibility for the self. Visit Advanced Personal Therapy.com and sign up for her cutting-edge newsletter in English or Spanish, or visit her blog for more timely articles.
This post is also available in: Spanish